"I AM"

I have not done a very good job today. I got some very good advice from an older military woman a couple months ago. She reminded me that it is okay to be sad when your husband is gone, you have to face the reality of your emotions. She said that she always gave herself "5 minutes" to have a pity party and then she made herself move on with her day.  I tweaked her idea and decided that I'm giving myself more like 30 minutes to sulk... 5 minutes can come down the road when I have gotten better at moving on. Well, my "5 aka 30 minutes" of sulking has turned into an all day event. It's slightly ridiculous. I've had a rough morning filled with rude people and events that are really more funny than irritating, except on days like today. For example, not being able to turn on the lights in the bathroom at the gym, and then once you finally figure it out the lights somehow turn themselves back off while you are in the middle of peeing. Just one of those days. 


While, I was sulking, I was looking at some old pictures. I found this one. And of course my server is rejecting the picture right now... Screen shot to the rescue!! 

Not the cutest, it of coursed pulled some more tears from my irritatingly swollen eyes. Seriously, I'm an adult. James and I have spent months apart from each other, why am I having issues now? There really should be no reason, which only makes me feel worse. 

Then I happened upon this picture.

I actually stole this from one of Ashley's books that I randomly picked up to read one night. But I don't think I can get in trouble for posting it since it has the author and the title of the book...at least I hope so. 

The funny thing is that I never really understood what God meant when he called himself, "I AM." I thought it was sort of weird, and it never really intrigued me enough to look into it further. But I think I get it now. It reminds me of a verse...and if I was a better Christian I would know where this verse is, but I don't, so bear with me... that says God gives us the strength that we need for today. And I needed to hear that. When I have a rough day, I can usually make it worse by fretting over the future. If I can't make it through today, if I can't make it through an awful trip to Lowe's then what am I going to do when he is in Ranger School for 2-3 months? Or when we are in Italy and he doesn't come home till too late to help me fix whatever I broke? Or what am I going to do when he is deployed for a year? It turns into a vicious cycle that makes it hard to remember that today is all I have to deal with now. Tomorrow will bring it's own troubles and when trouble occurs, I will have the strength to get through it...or the eyes to see the paths around it. 

I have strength for today. Today will not be hard because I have all of the strength I need. But only for today.

Learning to live in the moment.