Preparation

The preparation for the deployment has begun. Driving on post proves it. The companies are lined with massive cargo-like boxes. The boys are laying out all of their weapons and to the civilian eye, metal pipes, tripods, and cloth looking tarps and such. They walk around carrying army green duffel bags stacked on their shoulders, packed with who knows what. They stay late. They are making lists- lots of lists, and trying to cross everything off before they load the plane. Families are squeezing in last minute trips, soaking up last minute classes provided by resources on post about resiliency, deployment, and benefits. No one is sharing their time. Dinner parties and going out for drinks are few and far between. No one wants to share that precious time with other people. Everyone knows it and no one cares.

Honestly, it is so weird. This community creates its own reality and its own rules to live by and to the "civilian" eye, it probably looks dysfunctional. If I suddenly holed up in my house in Charlotte, didn't call any friends, attend any gatherings, spent the weekends away- not inviting anyone else, then people would probably be concerned. Well, concerned at first, and then they would just stop inviting us to things/places/whatever. But here, it is normal. And once June hits, everyone will ban together and swing far to the other side- filling their calendars with so many social events they can't keep up. It seems manic. Army life is manic and slightly unstable. And oddly enough, I like it.

I'm preparing in my own way. Soaking up every moment, every touch, every look, every word. Hoping that my memory can recall enough to soothe my soon-to-be aching heart. I have my own list of things to accomplish before he leaves. Papers that we need to fill out. Finances that need to be sorted. Emotions that need to be tamed. Questions that need to be answered. I swing back and forth from pushing him away to suffocating him :) My goal for the next few weeks to just to be normal!!

It is going to be a strange rest of the year. I know I will be sad, but I know that I will survive. At the beginning of the year my goal was seriously to just survive. To just make it through. But now I want more. I want to do more than just survive. More than just sit and wait and panic every time the door bell rings when I'm not expecting someone. I hope that I can find opportunities to do more than just survive. I want to look back on this time and know that I accomplished something, to know I didn't just sit at home and mope. So I am looking for things to do, classes to take, and praying for a job to open up :)

Preparation is a good thing and so is a healthy amount of denial :)

Some of my favorite Skype sessions

Chick-fil-a....please........

 Seeing how much little sweet T has grown up!

Mom sat in dog pee...still cracks me up!

If only there was a margarita in there!

Wedding bliss!!

I have lots more random pictures that I usually snap when people don't know...but I can't find them right now...I"ll have to do some more skyping to get them!!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Because this is one of my ALL TIME favorite videos. You are welcome.

Italian Class

There is always something happening in this class. Yesterday was no exception. We had a sub. From the start she was clearly much more involved that our usual teacher. She asked us our names, walked around the room, and even helped everyone. Usually it is just me and the French boy that do most of the reading because she gets so frustrated with the other 2 students. But not the sub. It was seriously the first time I had heard one of the kids speak! Anyway, our classes struggle was pretty evident about 15 minutes in, so the teacher came up to me and started looking through my book. (We are about 75% through the book...) She flipped through, and I'm 95% sure, asked me if we had done all of this since the beginning. I responded, si. Then, only about 80% sure this time, she asked if when we started and I attempted to say, gennaio (January), and then corrected myself by saying that I had started in February. I said that whole sentence using 3 Italian words. Talent. Pretty sure she understood though. So she flipped to the first page and pointed a letter and said, "Legge (Read)". And I started reading, "Non, non, la lettera (No, No the letter)".

I don't know the Italian letters. I missed that part of the class, but honestly, probably wouldn't have learned them anyway.

So she pointing at all of the letters, and I have NO idea how to say them, so I revert to the only other language I know that sounds similar...French. I start reading the letters in French. That got a pretty quick reaction and she promptly started yelling, "Questo e italiano, italiano, non francese- non frances (This is Italian, Italian! Not French, not French!"  amongst other things, but that was the only phrase I could make out.

Whoops.

The next 20 minutes were spent learning the alphabet.

Manna

This past week has been an emotional roller coaster. James left a week ago. I packed my schedule full of social events to help mask the ache in my heart. Carolina won. Carolina lost. And now a week has passed. I'm sitting here, Monday morning exhausted. Not looking forward to this week. Not even feeling like I will have enough energy to last through the week. Trying to get my body to eat so that it can have energy for the day...it hasn't been working. I've been sick since Saturday, and while I'm feeling a million times better, food just isn't doing it for me. I try. I've managed to eat a couple bits of a sandwich the afternoon, forced down a couple bites of rice last night, and some saltine crackers. Your body isn't meant to live off of that! No worries, I've been drinking. Sadly no wine, just gingerale, water, and gatorade. So here I am, trying to stay awake before Italian class and hopefully through class.

My exhaustion has brought my mind to manna- the food that God provided the Israelites in Exodus. Can't believe I remembered that, but thankful nonetheless. I'm not going to worry about making it through the week, or till the end of the month, or till next April. I am not suppose to think that far in advance. I just need to focus on today. God has provided me with the strength, ability, and energy to get through today and that is all the matters.As I look back over the week and even past 3 months of living here, provision has been made. I may be tired, but I take great comfort in that.

On the flip side, there is no stopping life now! We are already in the midst of it and even if I pitched a hissy fit James would still be in Germany and I would still be sick. So bam.

...Just remembered that James left a monster drink here! I think I'll drink that before class!

It's the little things.

It's the little things that make life over here awesome and difficult. It is truly like a love-hate relationship sometimes.

• Love my beautiful floors. Hate that they literally require cleaning every day. 
• Love the family owned businesses. Hate that everything shuts down from 12-3, Monday or Wednesday nights, and Sundays. 
• Hate doing laundry. Love that my washing machine takes 4 hours to do one load. Literally not possible to do more than 2 loads of laundry a day. Hate that is takes 4 hours. 
• Enjoying- not really loving yet- the recycling. Hate that it is a requirement. 
• Love having someone else fill up my car with gas. Hate driving.
• Love the Italian language. Hate that it is so hard to communicate.
• Love the local produce. Hate that I cannot buy blueberries right now. 
• Love having shutters. Hate opening them. Literally, sitting in the semi-dark right now. 

Then there are the weird things.

• I have to open my windows after showers or running the dishwasher to prevent mold and mildew in the house.
• I keep "moisture packages" around the house to help absorb the water in the air.
• I am suppose to cross ventilate the house 10minutes every day...it's too cold, so I don't. 
• The recycling boxes are randomly placed all down the street. 
• I get chastised for parking- usually not close enough to the car behind or in front of me- when Italians struggle to drive in the first place
• No garbage disposal....
• I have to light my oven on fire to get it work. Oh, and my front right stove top burner thing. 
• I have to empty out the water from the dryer after every load.
• I have to put salt in the dishwasher because the water is so hard that it isn't good for the dishes. 
• The euro has COINS for 1euro and 2euro. Causes me to have way too much money in coins.

Like I said. It's the little things

Ramblings.

It's been awhile. I know. But I have been busy. I have been avoiding sitting down and writing anything because I have been in go-mode. Sometimes it feels more like bury-your-head-in-the-sand mode. I do have lists of things to do. Finally got my application for my soggorino in...so it does not look like I will be deported anytime soon. Got the house in shape, yet I still find so many things to do with it. Trying to make friends. And maintain friends. Going to gatherings, yet wanting someone to just come over and sit. And I'm exhausted.

My brain is always on the go. Did I talk too much tonight? Did I say the wrong thing? Maybe I shouldn't have shared that with this person? Am I going to be prepared? Am I taking advantage of this amazing place, I'm living in? Am I going to be prepared for the upcoming months? How can help? Yes, I will do anything and everything set before me, to take up my time. And for not having a job, and usually feeling like I don't have anything to do, I look at my time and think where has it gone?

Tonight will be different. I will get some sleep-hoping for the restful kind. I don't have anything I need to be at till later in the day. I'm going to try and relax. Turn off my brain. Acknowledge the little pang of sadness that has settled in my heart since he left. I need to be thankful. And I am. I have so much to be thankful for. We have only been here 2 months. It's been such a long time. And it's been so short. We are in good hands. He has taken care of us, and will continue. James is safe- even though jumping out of Italian helicopters seem so much more dangerous in my mind. It is all in His control, and I am so thankful.

I love that I call this place my home. Except for when I hear weird noises this late at night...I really need a bat. Contemplating the Cold Steel Brooklyn Smasher vs the Louisville Slugger...too many decisions when looking for a good/legal weapon.

Definitely time for bed now. Good night y'all.